im 14 and a girl. I want to put out a message of how bad childhood cancer is. I wrote out a story about my little brothers story. I'm planing on trying to see if they will print it in our local paper. here's what i wrote:
Liam (not going to print his last name on here) was born on January 1th 2008. He was born a healthy baby, nothing was wrong with him. From the moment he was able to smile he was always finding ways to make others smile. He celebrated his first birthday with a party and loved opening presents. He had a cheek up and was a perfect happy little boy that won over every ones heart. when people where around him they couldn't help but smile, no matter what.
When Liam was 2 he had another cheek up and everything was ok. But when he was 2 and a half he begain getting sick. He stopped smile, at first he was screaming and crying, but got week really fast, stopped eating and hadn't had a dirty nappie in days. He was taken to the hospital to get cheek out. The doctors said that he was ok and gave him antibiotics. The next day they got a call from the hospital, saying that they were to bring liam into the hospital immediately. When they arrived Liam was taken away for more tests. Liam's parents were told that Liam has Leukemia and he needs to stay in hospital for a while. Liam got worse and was only just making it through each day. But Liam was a fighter and things begain to look up. December 1st 2010 he got told that he was cancer free and that he could go home. He was happy but still wasn't quite himself . On christmas day 2010 Liam wasn't feeling very well and at lunch time he started vomiting blood. Liam was rushed to hospital. He had not gotten rid of the horrible disease. He spent his 3rd birthday having a bone marrow transplant. Over the next few months he would get a little bit better then just collapse. On the 19th of April 2011 he had a operation to try to remove his cancer. He today, is in a comma. He didn't wake up from the operation but the doctors are saying that he is going to wake up soon because his heart beat is faster then what it was before.
"Don't cry" Liam said this to his mum before he went into the operation on the 19th of April. Get well soon little Liam.
I know that the punctuation is really bad. Im not very good at writing. Is there any way to make it better. im planing to send it to the paper on monday so if theres any news about Liam im going add the in. is this good? what else can i do?Is this any good? it's in honor of my baby brother...?
It's a great little article.
I love it... even thought there was a tear in my eye when I read about how he said, "Don't cry"...
There are some spelling errors, like when you mentioned the 'cheek ups'. It's supposedly spelt 'check up'. And where you put 'week' is supposed to be 'weak'.
Also some grammar errors, but not very much. Make sure you use the right form of words and capitalizations.
But other than that, it's great! Good Job!Is this any good? it's in honor of my baby brother...?
It Is perfect.
Just change the word from cheek to check okIs this any good? it's in honor of my baby brother...?
wait.......this is a paper??
yh its good, maybe over dramatize
wow that is so heartwarming...its good..u might want to check the spelling but other than that its amazing....
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