Is this any good? it's in honor of my baby brother...?

im 14 and a girl. I want to put out a message of how bad childhood cancer is. I wrote out a story about my little brothers story. I'm planing on trying to see if they will print it in our local paper. here's what i wrote:

Liam (not going to print his last name on here) was born on January 1th 2008. He was born a healthy baby, nothing was wrong with him. From the moment he was able to smile he was always finding ways to make others smile. He celebrated his first birthday with a party and loved opening presents. He had a cheak up and was a perfect happy little boy that won over every ones heart. when people where around him they couldn't help but smile, no matter what.



When Liam was 2 he had another check up and everything was ok. But when he was 2 and a half he begain getting sick. He stopped smile, at first he was screaming and crying, but got week really fast, stopped eating and hadn't had a dirty nappie in days. He was taken to the hospital to get cheek out. The doctors said that he was ok and gave him antibiotics. The next day they got a call from the hospital, saying that they were to bring liam into the hospital immediately. When they arrived Liam was taken away for more tests. Liam's parents were told that Liam has Leukemia and he needs to stay in hospital for a while. Liam got worse and was only just making it through each day. But Liam was a fighter and things begain to look up. December 1st 2010 he got told that he was cancer free and that he could go home. He was happy but still wasn't quite himself . On christmas day 2010 Liam wasn't feeling very well and at lunch time he started vomiting blood. Liam was rushed to hospital. He had not gotten rid of the horrible disease. He spent his 3rd birthday having a bone marrow transplant. Over the next few months he would get a little bit better then just collapse. On the 19th of April 2011 he had a operation to try to remove his cancer. He today, is in a comma. He didn't wake up from the operation but the doctors are saying that he is going to wake up soon because his heart beat is faster then what it was before.



"Don't cry" Liam said this to his mum before he went into the operation on the 19th of April. Get well soon little Liam.



I know that the punctuation is really bad. Im not very good at writing. Is there any way to make it better. im planing to send it to the paper on monday so if theres any news about Liam im going add the in. is this good? what else can i do?Is this any good? it's in honor of my baby brother...?
Wow, that's really sad :(



Use more pronouns in place of 'Liam.' He's the subject of the story, and others don't play a huge role, so referring to him as 'he' or 'him' is perfectly fine, as long as it's clear who you're talking about.



Make sure you capitalize all names and holidays (Liam, Christmas).



Spell out numbers (two, third birthday).



When you begin a sentence with a prepositional phrase, follow it with a comma-- "On Christmas day, 2010, he WAS told" (pay attention to verbs and tense, too).



Coma, not comma



When typing full dates, try to refrain from using 'st,' 'nd,' or 'th' after the number of the day. "19th of April" is fine, but "January 1st, 2008" needs to be "January 1, 2008."



On April 19, 2011, as Liam was being prepared for surgery, he said to his mum, "Don't cry."



In formal writing, if you have to use 'ok' spell it 'okay.'



He stopped smiling* (tense)



but got weak* (spelling)Is this any good? it's in honor of my baby brother...?
You don't have to sent it to local paper.



I know how disappionted /upset it is , my godson was about 6 when he died from Tumor. I couldnot put in local paper because everyone will freak out. Imagine if anyone see casket , we just wanna show because we are in peace of love and want show other what happen with our decreased loved ones? Others will have different opinion to think it is werid. I want inspire or show others too but you just gotta know how to do it big and in other way. Might you can go on News talking about it or talking show ...local news is not a place for story unless someone achieves.



You also can write a book about it, just ask brother and familt how they all feel about showcase their apperance? you can check your spelling, punc, and sentences on spellchecker and miscroft that has sentence check. Just be sure to download college version of miscroft.Is this any good? it's in honor of my baby brother...?
I think thats really sweet, just check on some of the spelling, some words i think you just anciently press the wrong key.

And a few changing needed



He stopped smile - He stopped smiling



Week- Weak



Just check over it once or twice more, and then send it off on monday and hopefully when they post it they will edit the grammar and stuff and if they don't its because they want it to look like it actually was written by you :)



Good luck for you and Liam :)