Thursday, February 2, 2012

Is this any good? it's in honor of my baby brother...?

im 14 and a girl. I want to put out a message of how bad childhood cancer is. I wrote out a story about my little brothers story. I'm planing on trying to see if they will print it in our local paper. here's what i wrote:



Liam (not going to print his last name on here) was born on January 1th 2008. He was born a healthy baby, nothing was wrong with him. From the moment he was able to smile he was always finding ways to make others smile. He celebrated his first birthday with a party and loved opening presents. He had a cheek up and was a perfect happy little boy that won over every ones heart. when people where around him they couldn't help but smile, no matter what.



When Liam was 2 he had another cheek up and everything was ok. But when he was 2 and a half he begain getting sick. He stopped smile, at first he was screaming and crying, but got weak really fast, stopped eating and hadn't had a dirty nappie in days. He was taken to the hospital to get checked out. The doctors said that he just had a bug and gave him antibiotics. The next day they got a call from the hospital, saying that they were to bring liam into the hospital immediately. When they arrived Liam was taken away for more tests. Liam's parents were told that Liam has Leukemia and he needs to stay in hospital for a while. Liam got worse and was only just making it through each day. But Liam was a fighter and things begain to look up. December 1st 2010 he got told that he was cancer free and that he could go home. He was happy but still wasn't quite himself . On christmas day 2010 Liam wasn't feeling very well and at lunch time he started vomiting blood. Liam was rushed to hospital. He had not gotten rid of the horrible disease. He spent his 3rd birthday having a bone marrow transplant. Over the next few months he would get a little bit better then just collapse. On the 19th of April 2011 he had a operation to try to remove his cancer. He today, is in a comma. He didn't wake up from the operation but the doctors are saying that he is going to wake up soon because his heart beat is faster then what it was before.



"Don't cry" Liam said this to his mum before he went into the operation on the 19th of April. Get well soon little Liam.



I know that the punctuation is really bad. Im not very good at writing. Is there any way to make it better. im planing to send it to the paper on monday so if theres any news about Liam im going add the in. is this good? what else can i do?Is this any good? it's in honor of my baby brother...?
You done great! Don't worry about the punctuation. The paper will take care of that. What you wrote was a from the heart story. Don't be surprised if you get donations from people wanting to help after reading your story. Accept them with grace. You are an angel.Is this any good? it's in honor of my baby brother...?
this is really sweet that ur doing this for ur brother..i say go for it good luck..:) hope he gets better..god blessIs this any good? it's in honor of my baby brother...?
Yes, do it! It's awesome! And I'm sorry :/

Cheek up = check up

Combine sentences with conjunction instead of having it so choppy, then it's good to go!
  • magellan roadmate
  • tess gerritsen
  • No comments:

    Post a Comment